not much to say

this morning stacey and i went for my doctors appointment.

as has happened 2 times before ...

we discovered our baby's heart had stopped :(

NOW...
i realize it doesn't happen often ...

but right now i am at a loss for words...

still just processing how i feel ...

i'm feeling frustrated ...

it sucks to be sick for so long and not get a "reward" for it.
AND
it sucks to drag my kids through that time - and for them to not get a baby in return.

i'm feeling sad ...

although we had always said 3 was "our number" ...
we had come to accept the idea of a 4th ...
and were getting excited at how our dynamic would change.

but ...
just when we begin to accept things ...
they change.

unfortunately ...
things happen.
life isn't always fun.
every day offers new challenges
and more reminders of how fragile life really is.

SO...

for today ... i am holding tight to my boys ...



and
maybe tomorrow i'll have more to say:)

fall sports part 2

it wouldn't be fair to say fall sports have started ...

without showing a picture of ben starting soccer.

he's the one in the blue shorts.

does he look ready to you? ;)

note to self ... ben loves plants

this afternoon ben realized that the mothers day plant he had planted for me was sitting in the window and had died.

now ...

should one of our guppies die ... that "might" be purposefully ...

BUT ...

not ben's plant.

basically ...

moving and a sick (pregnant sick) mom don't mix well.

routines got disrupted ...

and the plant on the window wasn't one of the recipients of what little TLC i had to give.

we tried to "save it" - but we weren't very successful.

AND ...

today ben realized it.

AND ...

it was quite traumatic.

he cried ... and he cried ... and he cried.

he LOVES plants. he couldn't believe his plant had died. because he LOVES plants.

i felt bad that i had 1. let it get to that point and 2. not gotten rid of it before he realized it :)

BUT ...

i've learned my lesson.

ben loves plants and i will from this point forward pay GREAT attention to all plants that come my way.

i promised him that tomorrow we could go find another plant --
one that will actually survive our crazy life ;)
AND ...
HOPEFULLY ... because he LOVES plants so much ... he can learn to take care of it too ;)

alex's new do ;)

fall sports have begun!!

this week was drew's first football game - EVER.
(he is wearing the navy jersey - 2nd from the right on the line.)

he LOVES it.

it is perfect for his body and for him.
he is a tackle - so he gets to play offense and defense - so basically all game long :)

although they are still figuring out how to tackle -
and much of their time is spent just holding the other guys shoulders and "dancing" -
it is SO fun to watch!

GO PATRIOTS!
(but only when it comes to 2nd and 3rd grade football!)
we're looking forward to a really fun season!

top 5 things i hear each day

1. mommy?? ... we going to the mall?

2. mommy?? ... we go get drew now?

3. mommy?? ... we go get ben now?

4. mommy?? ... we go see daddy?!

5. mommy?? ... ben at school??

alex asks each of these questions OVER and OVER again each day

AND ...

i'm not saying he asks - and then waits an hour.

MORE LIKE ...

he asks ... then immediately follows it up with ...

"mommy?? ..."

and then asks again :)

silly alex...
you are so much fun.
i am loving spending extra time alone with you each day.
you are getting so smart ...
TOO smart ...
and i love it!

alex's new friends

with both brothers gone at school ...

alex and i have been finding little things to do to keep busy.

earlier this week we were walking through the store and we came across the perfect toy for alex.

the wonderpets and their fly boat.

being the fan that he is, alex instantly fell in love.

NOW ...

i typically don't buy toys on a whim -

BUT ...

knowing how lost alex has been without drew and ben ...

i caved.

it has proven to be a GREAT purchase.

lenny, tuck, and ming-ming have kept alex QUITE busy.

he takes them everywhere that we go.

he talks to them.

he carries them around.

he EVEN lines them up to watch diego with him.
(yes ... you are seeing correctly ... we may have a 42 inch tv ... but for whatever reason the show is still better when watched from 6 inches away)



thanks for saving the day, wonderpets.

1st day of school part 2

today was ben's first day of kindergarten!!!

he had a GREAT day and has already asked me if it's ok for him to write his teacher a note that says "i love you".

his teacher sent home a mad-lib type sheet for him to fill in (with my help) ...
i think it does an EXCELLENT job of summing up his day ...
SO ... ENJOY ...

today is SEPTEMBER 3RD and it is my first day of school! i felt GOOD AND EXCITED. i wore A GUITAR SHIRT. for breakfast i ate EGGS AND SAUSAGE. after that i was taken to school by MY MOM AND MY DAD. my teacher's name is MRS UNDERBAKKE. i met a friend named REN. the first thing we did in school was SIT DOWN AND COLOR CLIFFORD. then we WENT TO LUNCH. the part of the day i liked the best was when we WENT OUT FOR RECESS. when it was time to go home i felt GOOD. tomorrow i will THINK ABOUT MRS UNDERBAKKE.

ben ... i can't believe you are ALREADY in kindergarten! you are SO old. (or maybe i am!)
it seems like just yesterday that i was sending you off to preschool.
you are going to have such a fun year!
i loved hearing all about your first day and i can't wait for each and every day that follows.
i love you little buddy!

oh ... and ... way to go on already charming the teacher with your last comment ;)

1st day of school - part 1

(drew and his new 2nd grade teacher)

today was drew's first day of school.

not just ANY school ... but a NEW school.

AND ... it went REALLY well!

he walked out of school with a big smile on his face and couldn't wait to tell me how awesome it was.
in fact ... he said "it is so much better than madison!" (sorry all you mustangs! i still miss you if it means anything.)

he LOVES his teacher.
we were pretty sure he would - but i'm glad the first day has come and gone and he really does.
his teacher uses music a lot. he uses songs as a method of transition and at various other times throughout the day.
that is SO up drew's alley.

i went back and forth on where to send the boys for school.
at the beginning of august i had FINALLY decided that i wanted them to stay where drew had gone for the past 2 years.
i LOVED the school. i LOVED the teachers. AND we had all made great friends.
HOWEVER ... a week later i found out that was no longer an option.
first of all their kindergarten numbers were high - so ben would be a problem.
second - the district does open enrollment on a year by year basis so we would never be guaranteed a spot.
i just couldn't deal with the uncertainty of that.
SO ... with 3 weeks before school i registered the boys in a school that i had not even considered earlier.

HOWEVER...
i am SO happy with our decision.
the principal went above and beyond to fit the boys with teachers that together we thought matched their "styles".
he allowed them to start even though we aren't technically moving until the end of october.
(he would did not HAVE to)
i felt SO good about each of the teachers that were chosen for them
i had heard great things about the school
the boys knew kids there because of summer baseball - so they wouldn't be blindly entering a school of unkown faces
AND
it had the same "home-y" feel that madison had.

of course i still wonder how the boys would have done at madison.
and i miss seeing people there.

BUT ...
today seemed to go REALLY well.
AND ...
ben is SUPER excited about starting tomorrow.

SO ...
for now ...
i feel very at peace with what we decided
AND ...
i am VERY excited for a fun year!

we have windows!!!